About

Valerie: strong, brave, valiant

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My father gave me my name. He wanted his daughter to be strong. For the longest time, I felt that I did not live up to my name.

As the daughter to a Haitian father and Filipino mother, I am a biracial butterfly with thick wavy hair, caramel brown skin speckled with scars, and an identity built with bricks taken from each culture in my family.

Unfortunately, the Philippines is a country that is plagued with a kind colonial mentality that glorifies and almost obsessively prefers fair skin, associating it with wealth, power, social status, and most of all, beauty. Being half-black and having a darker complexion, I did not fit into the criteria for what was beautiful and it was only made worse by the fact that in a country of naturally petite, slender folk, I grew up to have wide hips, thunder thighs, large breasts, and broad shoulders. To a five year old simply trying to make friends and adjusting to a new environment, the cuts of racism and prejudice cut deep and to this day, left some very visible scars.

Throughout my teenage years, I allowed myself to be used and abused by ‘friends’, desperate to be accepted and craving approval from my peers. I often felt the need to apologize for being myself, for taking up too much space or being the one size 12 chubby friend in a group of mostly size 2, A-B cup girls. To compensate for what I ‘lacked’, I made myself available for everyone. I answered calls at 2am, listened to their problems, and made them my own problems. At one point, someone called me a doormat, telling me that I too often let people walk all over me and dump all their problems on top.

 

25 pounds less, one boyfriend, 5 trips, one graduation, a bunch of new friends, one long distance relationship, countless laughs and tears, and one big move later, I can proudly say that I am indestructible and more than worthy of the beautiful name I was given. I am wonderfully flawed, loved, and unapologetic and from here on out, I proceed with passion.

I created this blog to write, to express, and to flourish. I have grown so much in the past few years and I want my writing to reflect that maturity, my new-found love for myself, and my passion for the things that matter.

 

 

My co-pilot